Courage to tell

How do you tell someone you have cancer? Do you go over it ten times in your head on how to say it...or do you just say it? I have always wondered how my mom worked up the courage to tell me she had breast cancer. My mom and I are very close, so I can only imagine what she went through just to tell me.

That was a strange day for me. I was at my boyfriends house when mom called and said she wanted me to come home. When I got home, some neighbors were helping my dad put in the new stove. My mom told me to sit down, then she said "I have breast cancer." I didn't know what to say so we just cried. We hugged and cried in the living room while everyone else was in the kitchen. I don't know if they knew but it was awkward. We hugged for a while then I went upstairs. I didn't know what to do so I called my friend Jamie. I later went over to her house, which why would I do that? Why didn't I stay home and talk to my mom about all this? I was in high school at the time and just didn't know how to handle it. That was the first time she told me.

When she was re-diagnosed, my family was at our house when I got home from school. My grandparents, aunt Susie, and dad were all home. I knew something was up and then my mom told me it was back. My dad was beyond angry and was outside throwing the lawn furniture. I can't blame him for doing this because we thought we have to go through this once, not twice. I went downstairs and was trying to do laundry. Once again, why didn't I stay upstairs with my family. They were all crying, so it was okay for me to do the same. I was even more scared this time and i didn't want mom to know.

These memories are burned into my mind and I am sure into my families as well. You can't plan to tell someone you have cancer, it just has to happen. I learned a lot about myself on those two different days. I am now a stronger person because of it.

Consumed

Friday afternoon I sat down trying to decide what to write my column about. Reading through the list of choices wasn't really helping me because my mind was on one thing. The Avon Walk has my mind wrapped up and that is all I think about and talk about. People are probably getting tired of reading my blogs about this topic but I am consumed by it. This is not a bad things because if I wasn't consumed by it then there would be no progress. As of this weekend I have raised $140 and I am done with my first week of training. I am running out of fundraising ideas but I still have time. For my next column I want to write about a personal experience and I thought why not write about my experience with breast cancer. I understand I personally did not have breast cancer but I still experienced it. There are many stories I could share about my mother having breast cancer. They are not extremely happy stories but they are powerful. A powerful story is what people like to read so I am thinking of going this route. I am trying to not over do my blogging about the walk but it is exciting and something everyone should know about. Reading other walkers blogs have really encouraged me and I hope my blogs do the same for others.

Network

Faye Dunaway who played Diana Christensen in the film Network was a strong woman character. Being the main woman working for UBS, she stood up for what she wanted and usually got it. She stood up to the men and presented her ideas strong and in their face. She was a woman who lived for her career and nothing else. She was always talking about her ideas, the ratings, and the shares made by UBS. Most people like to leave their work at work, but Diana took it with her everywhere. She even took it into the bedroom with her. Just talking about work is simple enough to get her off. She was constantly yelling, talking on the phone, and seducing every man that came her way. All of these things Diana did shows me that the network business was cut throat. You had to be dedicated or you wouldn't last. You also had to be insensitive at times, well most of the time. It was clear that Howard Beale was having a break down on television and needed help. Max told everyone to take him off the air because he needed help. Diana took this as an opportunity to make her career more than what it was. She took advantage of the weak to make herself whole. She took advantage of Max when they had their affair. Yes he consented to it but he was in the wrong state of mind when it happened. She knew he loved his wife, yet she went along with it. I think Diana was afraid of failure so she made her career number one. She was good at it but at the same time she had no compassion for others. She is a good image of how the network is one large competition. She went as far as killing Howard because he was under contract and they couldn't fire him. Talk about a mean woman. Network businesses will forever be one big competition. Diana was the perfect character to show this.

Overall I liked the film because it really shows what goes on behind closed doors and off screen. I think Diana was mad as hell at herself for not having a life that she just couldn't take it anymore and killed Howard. Diana couldn't see there was more to life than the network.

Making Progress

I am super excited today because I am starting to make progress on my fundraising! I have made $60 so far and I am so thankful for those who have helped! It feels good to get started. I also started training this week. I trained on Monday and also this morning. So far so good. I just need new shoes because my old ones are giving me blisters. Other than that I really can't complain about how things are going. Our team is doing great as well. A fundraising project we started is going extremely well. We are selling Kolaches, made by my amazing grandmother. She makes the best Kolaches you will ever taste in your life. Our team will be delivering them over Easter weekend! I can't wait to thank all these people who have ordered from us. It makes me smile when people are willing to lend a hand and help with such a great cause. This also makes me thankful to have my mom healthy and able to do this with us. When my mom had cancer I never really thought I could lose her. She was a fighter and I think that made me even stronger today. I want to do this walk to help women every where and help give money to find a cure. It means a lot to me that people are supporting me and willing to help out.

Every little bit goes a long way and if you want to help out, here is more information on how to do so.

You can make a donation online by visiting my webpage on www.avonwalk.org (select “San Francisco” and then type in my name), or you can send me a check made out to “Avon Walk for Breast Cancer” along with the enclosed coupon. The funds go directly to the Avon Foundation where they will be put to very good use.

There is no donation too small, every bit counts, and of course, all donations are tax deductible.

Visit www.avonwalk.org for more information and if you have any questions, fundraising ideas, or words of encouragement, call/email me at (402) 326-0485 or mosskl@unk.edu

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."

The Time Traveler's Wife

This post has nothing to do with my previous posts but I can't stop thinking about this movie. I watch The Time Traveler's Wife last night and now I am confused about the whole thing. It has Rachel McAdam's in it so I knew it was going to be good, she was great but the plot was confusing. The main character Henry is a time traveler and you never know when he is going to leave or where he is going. Rachel plays Clare who falls in love with Henry when she is six. But when she is six he is in his 20s. He comes to visit her on his time travels and they soon meet in real life. Confusing I know. Through out the whole film I was trying to figure out if it was present day or if he was traveling. Once I figured out that it was present day, I was then trying to figure out how old Henry was. The day of their wedding he traveled right before the ceremony, when he returned his hair was grey. Then they want to have a baby. She gets pregnant twice but looses both babies because the baby is a time traveler and leaves the womb. Henry has a vasectomy because he doesn't want Clare to go through this again. Strange and confusing. Here is the kicker and the part that has me very confused. She gets a call in the middle of the night from Henry to come pick him up. When he gets in the car he says where is Henry. They have a conversation about fighting over the baby. Then they have sex and she gets pregnant. She tells Henry a week later that she is pregnant and she says its not like I cheated on you. No she didn't cheat because it was the same man just younger and before the vasectomy. This film was a cute love story and I love Rachel McAdam's but this was way too confusing. I read some things online to clear it all up but that didn't help much either. Now I want to read the book and see if it's confusing as well. This film reminds me of the Lake House with Sandra Bullock. That was confusing as well because they lived in the same lake house, but in different time periods. Why are these women chasing men that are never there. Confusing to me but I guess it was a good movie if it stuck with me this much.

Ordinary People

I work at the YMCA as a lifeguard and I coach there as well. I love my job for two reasons. 1. I work with kids and I love every minute of it. 2. The ordinary people who take an interest in your life. I opened this morning as a guard and I haven't opened for a very long time. There is a man named Bob that comes it at 6:30am every morning. I got to know him very well and I was excited to see him. When he walked in this morning and saw it was he, he was super excited. He gave me a big hug and wanted to know how I was. He asked me what I was up to and how life was since he saw me last. I told him about the walk coming up in July and how much money I had to raise. He immediately asked me who to make the check out to. That made my heart melt because he didn't even think twice about it. I told him I would get more information to him before he writes me a check and he said that would be great. Then I told him I started training today and he told me if I need a walking partner upstairs just let him know. That also makes my heart melt because he wants the best for me. I have only known Bob about a year now and he is an amazing man. He is so kind and he wants to best for you no matter what. I haven't started asking people for money yet because I need to get all the information together first but the fact that he didn't even think twice makes me think that I can do this. I can make a difference and raise all the money. People can make your day or ruin your day and people at the Y usually make my day. I don't always love my job but today was special to me.

An Adventure

Yesterday my mom, aunt Susie, and I decided we are going to walk in the Avon 2 day breast cancer walk on July 10-11 in San Francisco. We are going to walk 40 miles in two days to end breast cancer. Each of us has to raise $1800 dollars before the day of the walk. Plus we need to be training for the walk. I set up a training plan this morning and I will begin this next week. This is going to be a great adventure and I can't wait to partake in something so much bigger than anything I could ever do.

I am going to need lots of help and support on this adventure. I need some fundraising suggestions as well. All three of us are working together with collective money rather than doing this individual. We will be out in our communities doing this alone but we also want to have other ideas on how to raise money. We are having a garage sell this summer and all the money we make will go toward the walk. Does anyone have ideas for a fundraiser or how to promote what we are doing? Support can go a long ways in my eyes and knowing that people are there for all three of us makes me smile.

I am personally doing this to end breast cancer because I don't want to see more women go through what my mom went through. I experienced breast cancer head when living with my mom. It was a very hard thing to witness but we got through it together. My mom and I were close before the cancer, but now we are even closer. My mom was the first to have breast cancer in my family so I am at risk of having it next. This doesn't really scare me because look at all the people stepping up to find a cure. I am one of those people. I am not doing this walk for myself, but rather for my mom and the cure. I am so proud of my mom for beating cancer twice and she is my inspiration for this walk. I am so excited to get working on this amazing adventure!

I have decided to turn this adventure into a blogging project. I am going to blog about our progress as a team and how our training is going. I want our communities to know what we are doing and join the fight with us. Here is a link to all the information about the fight.

Facebook is a Bandwagon

Does anyone remember life before facebook? Before it consumed your day, allowed you to chat with your mom, or farm a virtual farm? I can hardly remember life without facebook but I do remember when it was for college students only and I miss those days. Now that anyone can have a page, I feel like facebook has become a bandwagon. My nine year old cousin, Ellen has a facebook page. She told me she just has one to play the games, such as Farmville. Do I think a nine year old should have a facebook page? No but now my aunt Susie has a page so she can monitor. Now that Susie has a page, most of my family has jumped on the bandwagon. I now know what my family is doing through their status updates or new pictures posted. Facebook has allowed me to see pictures of my 3 month old nephew and keep in contact with my cousins. But some people jumped on the bandwagon thinking facebook was a private place to post as they please, well they learned the hard way.

Some facebook users are not like my family and I, these users post things that put facebook in the news. The status updates on facebook are supposed to be your thoughts or what you are doing. An Israeli soldier posted plans for an upcoming raid in his status last month. This may have been his thoughts at the moment but he posted them for the world to see. This made national news and I think we are all more careful with our status posts. Another thing facebook allows us to do is make groups. Groups are usually made for promoting a cause or complaining about an issue. A high school student in Florida made a group entitled, “Ms. Sarah Phelps is the worst teacher I’ve ever met.” Hundreds of students joined this group and wrote very hurtful words. Once again facebook is painted in a bad light for bad choices made beyond their power. People need to think before they post because the world is viewing what you write every day. I think these two people made these choices because facebook was their only way of being heard. Facebook became a way to express themselves without actually having to say it out loud. I think this happens to a lot of us on facebook and I have a friend that has encounter this head on.

Caryn Vincent, a close friend of mine has recently deleted her facebook. When I asked her why she would do a crazy thing like that? She replied, “I am just over it. People are way into themselves and have no clue about the world around them. I feel so liberated.” It would take a lot for me to delete my facebook. I just defriend people when they get on my nerves. I told Caryn this and she replied, “It was easier to just remove myself instead of friends. That way I don’t get yelled at for defriending them.” Removing yourself from the situation is what we would do in the real world, so why not do it in the virtual world? After talking to Caryn about facebook I can see that facebook has consumed our culture and it is leaking to many other places. I don’t want to say facebook has consumed me but at the end of the day, I am usually checking my page.

Contact Info:

Ellen and Susie 402 488 4531

Caryn Vincent: 402 366 7430

Banking on Facebook?

We already connect with friends on Facebook to share photos, videos, text updates and Web links, but might we also use the service to exchange money? This is the statement that started off the article, Why I'm Banking on Facebook. All we have to do it add the Buxter ap to our facebook page and we can send US dollars and Euros to our friends. The article then states, Buxter is unlikely to take Facebook by storm: While handy for settling a dinner or drinks bill between friends, it would prove truly useful only if all of your Facebook connections were to join. Facebook then credits themselves in the article stating facebook already has "facebook credits" meaning you can purchase things for farmville or send virtual gifts to your friends. I think thought doesn't this make paypal useless? Well, the article states that you can use your paypal account to purchase items on facebook. I just don't understand all of this and I also see no need. I would not spend money on farmville just so I can plant a different crop. Where does my money go? The article never touched on that...strange. The article ended in this statement, "If you imagine friends settling the dinner bill using Facebook credits the next morning, you're perhaps missing another major social networking trend: mobile." Meaning facebook users are now using more on their phones then ever. Can you imagine using facebook credits to buy dinner? Does anyone think this is going to far? Is this the next advancement? Maybe it is or maybe this will flop completely, but lets face it there are people out there who will use this. Here is a link to the facebook credits page and there is more explanation on there.

This video is funny because we all know it's true.

Facebook....friend or foe?

Has anyone noticed that facebook has been in the news a lot lately? I have been reading several articles about the use of facebook an why it appears in the news so much. Here is the conclusion I have come up with, people are using it for the wrong reasons. I wish facebook would go back to what it used to be, back to when you had to be a college student to use it. When I was in high school I could not have facebook because you had to have a college e-mail. Now anyone can be on it and I think that gives people too much access. What I mean by that is, the whole world can see you, your friends, what you write, and anything you are willing to give out. I am not that person who updates my status every two seconds, puts up every picture I ever owned, and all that. I am not against that by any means, that's just not who I am. When reading these articles I have realized that people forget that lots of people are on facebook and they do read what you have to say. The first thing I saw was a video made me say out loud, "are you stupid?" An Israeli soldier is in trouble after leaking plans on Facebook for an upcoming raid. This just blows my mind because people just don't think before they do things. Now don't get me wrong I think facebook is a great way for soldiers to stay connected with family back home, but lets use our head. The second article I read was about a former Florida high school student who was suspended by her principal after she set up a Facebook page to criticize her teacher. Now this is also crossing a line. I want to become a teacher and I know not all my students are going to like me, but it's one thing to know this and another to see it broad casted on facebook. The students was suspended for making this page but the school soon found that she had right to express herself on a social networking page. Since she made this page at home there really wasn't much they could do about it. That is nonsense to me. Here is my question to all of you. Is facebook giving kids too much access? I think if facebook would go back to what it was originally for, then I wouldn't have to worry about my 13 year old cousin being on there. I wouldn't have employers and my parents looking at my page. I have nothing to hide on my page but why does the whole world have to be one facebook. I know there is nothing I can do about it now but I think facebook is expanding more than we ever thought it would. People need to think before they post.....simple as that.

The Fake Front Page=Drama,

I read a lot of online newspapers because I like to know what is going on in the world. Lately I have been turned off by lots of news sites because they seem to all the be the same. Maybe I just read them too much but I feel like there is a lot of unnecessary complaining going on these days. I found an article on CNN about the fake front page of The New York Times. The front page was a large picture of Johnny Depp as Mad Hatter from the new Alice in Wonderland movie. The real front page was right behind this page. The confusion was that on this fake page there were real news ads and stories published from previous issues. This is what created a problem because it was said to be 'unjournalistic.'The stories printed on this fake page were altered and a reported said, "If I had written one of those stories, I would be pissed." Staff cuts are not being made at this newspaper due to this ad. Some staff members have already left because they didn't want to argue to stay. This is what gets me, its just an ad. It had no refection on the paper other than they made a deal for it to be in the paper. The money is going to Disney and this makes for more argument and discussion. The picture over powers the articles behind it and I didn't even read these stories. I think people are making a fuss about nothing. If people would open their eyes they would see the actual front page was behind it. I think this is just another thing for people to complain about and it's just not worth it. Maybe I am in a bad mood or something today but I just don't like reading articles like this. A small thing turned big...because these people have nothing else to do.

Rated 'R' for a reason

Why do parents bring their kids to rated 'R' movies? It must be the way I was raised but this really bothers me. Last weekend I went to see Cop Out with my boyfriend and when we walked in there were at least 4 kids under the age of 12 there. There were all with their parents but in my head I was wondering why the parents would do that. No babysitter? Then chose a movie your child can see. Cop Out wasn't as bad as other 'R' rated movies but it was still not for young ears. The f-bomb was every other word and people getting shot. There was no sex which is a plus but there was lots of sexual references. I know what you are thinking, I am lame because I think about these things but you have to be a certain age to see these movies for a reason. But here is my new question, what about Red Box movies? Any one can rent a rated 'R' film there so why not take them to see it on the big screen? I shouldn't be so bothered by this but I have been to a lot of 'R' movies where there are kids. It creates an awkward situation for those sitting around the kid. I know they don't understand most of it but why pay for them to sit and not understand. That's just awkward questions to ask later. Parents need to think before they allow their child to view whatever they want to. I understand that I am not a parent but in my house my parents made it clear what I could and could not watch. It's rated 'R' for a reason parents.

3 Day, 60 Mile Walk to end Breast Cancer

The Susan G. Komen 3 day walk is something I have always wanted to participate in. It's a 3 day, 60 mile walk to end breast cancer. This is something I want to do because my mother had breast cancer, not just once but twice. She has been 5 years out now but there are other women still suffering from this and I want to help. I dealt with my mother having cancer while I was in high school and I have so many stories about what my mother and I went through. My mother is the first in my family to have breast cancer so this puts me at a greater risk. Each year my family and I do the breast cancer walk in Lincoln. It's amazing to see so many people there supporting my mom and others around them. I want to apart of something bigger than I can imagine and I feel like the 3 day walk is just this. I was looking into the process of joining a team and where I could do this. I picked Denver because it was the closest to me. But then I saw something that made me stop for a second. In order to participate in this walk you have to fundraise a minimum of $2,300. I looked at this and thought that would be impossible. But then I decided this would be a great accomplishment for me and for breast cancer. The Denver walk is Aug. 27-29, 2010 and I am considering doing this. It seems like a huge task for me to earn all this money and train for walking 60 miles but in the end...it's worth it. To help these women get the treatment and help find a cure is what I want to do. No women should have to go through what my mother went through. I ordered more information about this and once it comes I am going to start planning for this adventure.